Chapter 13

“Tonight’s the perfect night for you to get some work done,” Amanda said, packing a tote bag with paper and twenty different kinds of pens (twenty-one if you include the pencil, not that she ever even used a pencil to write, but she thought it was always good to have one, just in case). The twenty pens were made up of ten in different bright colors, two different black ballpoint ink pens, a black gel pen, a black fine-tip pen, a blue ballpoint ink pen, a blue fine-tip pen, and four different colors of highlighters. Hopefully, it would be enough. “Olive discovered this new writer’s group, so she invited Beth and I—“

David was the only man in the world at that moment who wanted to spend the evening with his long-time girlfriend. He wasn’t ready to let Mano have another night. Not yet. He already let Mano have a second night, in the hopes that a second drawing would appease Amanda for a while. Now, here she was, having plans with friends and totally screwing up his efforts at stalling.

“—so I left the rest in the fridge in case you get hungry.” She kissed David and hurried out of the apartment.

David dropped to the couch and sulked.

You make everything more difficult than it needs to be.

You’re not the one who’s suffering in this arrangement.

I’m doing all the work.

“Hmph.”

Which you get all the credit for.

And where has that gotten me?

Are you serious? You of all people should know that you don’t see returns on investment overnight.

“Hmph.”

Fine. Quit. Stay at Bob’s Pets forever and make everything you’ve sacrificed so far for naught. Being an artist is your dream, not mine.

This time David made a sort of unhappy you-win noise in the back of his throat. He gave up the argument and his body at the same time.

Mano placed the rabbit in David’s grubby backpack and left the apartment.

He took care of the necessary task first, grabbing a drawing from the storage unit and dropping it off in David’s car.

That was easy.

Then he went to Blue Devil’s Cut to see the busty waitress that sometimes eyed David—not that he ever noticed, of course. The waitress was working, and he made sure to sit at a table she was serving. He ordered a scotch and smiled at her in a way that made her blush. They flirted for moments at a time as she passed the table. When she went on break, she went to Mano’s table, leaned over so he got a better view of her cleavage, and whispered in his ear. He smiled, and she led him into the bar’s bathroom. It was grungy, and none of the stalls had a working lock, so he pressed her up against the door to keep it closed. He also had to keep one hand over her mouth; he didn’t need people in China calling and complaining about the noise.

After exhausting the different possibilities the bathroom stall had to offer, Mano ordered one more scotch and left the waitress a generous tip—it seemed like the polite thing to do.

Not wanting to insult her by hitting up another girl in the bar (in case he wanted to use her again in the future), he left to see what other options were available.

“Gold Sharks, huh?”

Selzer peered at their newest acquisitions, swimming around in their tank. Some of them were grey, some of them were orange, but all of them were little sharks the size of goldfish.

“Seems so,” David said.

David moved the sunken ship aquarium decorations to be in the same visual vicinity as the Gold Sharks. The animals were going to be big sellers, and he wanted to make the most of it. He also paused and asked himself what he would want in a mini-shark tank; moments later, he was on the phone, ordering some stock of decorative dismembered limbs.

He almost considered buying a Gold Shark himself, but then he remembered the pet he already had and how much trouble it had caused him.

Kit arrived carrying a Styrofoam cup with the Buzzzz logo on it. Why a place that offered organic grass shakes would have Styrofoam cups was beyond David, but that wasn’t what bothered him; he worried that Kit was going to try to push her healthy ways on him, because everyone who suffered through health food wanted others to suffer, too.

Kit was delighted when she noticed the Gold Sharks. “Oh, I want to get one. Maybe two, even. They’re so cute.”

She looked quizzically at David.

“Do you think it’s safe to put them in an aquarium with other fish?”

David thought about it a moment. “It depends. Do your other fish wear suits of armor?”

Kit didn’t buy any of the Gold Sharks, but David was pretty sure…

Yes, she’s sizing up the aquariums.

God, how could anyone ever want a pet?

Go fuck yourself, David.

“Vid, drinks are on me, tonight!”

Rodney’s generosity caught David off guard. “Huh? What’s the occasion?”

Rodney put his arm around David’s shoulders; he looked as happy as a man who’d just fucked the entire cheerleading squad. “You! I’ve never been able to get Eli to sod off, but since Lazy Polly’s he won’t even look me in the eye. His silence is sweeter than any tune I could play. Absolutely wonderful.”

David smiled awkwardly. He felt a little ashamed that he so thoroughly embarrassed a guy he didn’t even know, but at the same time, it was hard to feel guilty with the promise of free drinks.

A waitress who wasn’t their own paused by their table, smiled at David, and used her index and middle finger to slide a piece of paper towards him. Then, she walked away, making sure to swing her hips as she did so—for David’s benefit.

Rodney raised an eyebrow. “What was that about?”

David’s heart had stopped while the waitress was at the table; now it was racing. He was also pretty sure he was blushing. Yes, he was definitely blushing.

“I, uh, I have no idea,” David said. It was sort of true.

What the hell is this?!

It’s probably her phone number.

Rodney’s eyebrow remained raised.

What have you done?!

Throw it away. If you don’t even look at her number, Rodney will assume it was just a mistake.

There’s no way! He knows. He KNOWS.

No, he doesn’t. He thinks you’re incapable of seducing her.

David felt more than a little insulted. That seems a bit unfair, doesn’t it? I mean, I’m not so awful—

Just toss it, you dimwitted ape.

David dropped the scrap of paper into his mug, letting it soak in the remaining dregs of his beer. Blossoms of wet ink bled through the paper, signaling a note well trashed.

He smiled awkwardly at Rodney and shrugged. “Weird, huh?”

Rodney’s what-just-happened expression changed to it-was-just-an-amusing-mix-up-of-course-you-didn’t-get-a-girl’s-number-because-that-would-be-a-world-gone-topsy-turvy more quickly than David would have liked.

Yeah, it was definitely insulting.

A couple drinks later, Rodney decided that David needed a little more teasing.

“You know, Vid, there’s jack all wrong with getting a waitress’s number.”

David’s face looked as unamused as he could muster. “Uh-huh.”

“Are you worried about your missus?” Rodney winked. “C’mon, what kinda mate would I be if I told Amanda?”

David gave his friend a dirty look. “Hey, if you want the waitress’s number, you should just ask for it. You’re no me, obviously, but maybe she’ll give you a break.”

Rodney shook his head in mock pity. “A fit chick fancies you, and you’re gonna piss it away. You should be more like me; I know how to have a riot.”

“Sorry if I don’t want my cock falling off from overuse,” David said.

Hey, you know—

Shut up.

David and Rodney bantered over drinks until late threatened to become early.

“All right, well I’ve got to shoot off if I wanna be any good in the booth, tomorrow,” Rodney said. He flagged down their waitress. “What’s the damage, love?”

She brought the bill over and David began to pull out his wallet.

“I should pay for at least some—“

“Bollocks,” Rodney interrupted. “Being rid of that pillock is worth at least one night of drinks.”

David’s fuzzy memory was fuzzy. “Is Eli really that awful?”

“On top of being a right prat, he really cocked up that mixing board. The damn thing’s rubbish, now.”

Just before they left, Rodney remembered one last thing. “I’m thinking of setting something up, if you fancy getting out of your flat this weekend.”

David nodded. Getting out of the apartment as himself would be a nice change.

Rodney decided Saturday should be a guy’s day, so it was decided (by Rodney) that he, David, and some friends of theirs who were always too busy to drink with them after work would eat, drink, and watch some really bad movies.

“Oh!” Amanda seemed happier about his plans than made sense. “I haven’t had a day with Mano in a long time.” She pretended to pout and added, “You always take him to work with you.”

You are not leaving me here!

David gave her a kiss. “Well, I’m sure you two will have a wonderful time together while I’m gone.”

This is animal cruelty! I will call the humane soci—

“Take good care of my girl, Mano.”

Pink lace! I hate pink lace!

David decidedly didn’t care.

You’ll get over it.

Amanda hugged him goodbye, and he smiled and waved at Mano as he left.

You fucking son of a bitch get your ass back here RIGHT NOW!

David closed the door behind him and refrained from doing a happy little spin. A guy’s day with bad movies and no rabbits. That was his kind of day.

“Are you still giving me the silent treatment?”

There was no response. Mano hadn’t said anything since Saturday.

“If you’re not gonna talk to me, I might as well leave you home.”

What do you want?

David sighed. “Stop being a pissy little bitch.”

Fine. Just don’t leave me here.

It was Monday, so David spent most of the morning removing dead fish from the tanks. It was handy that they floated on top, but it would have been handier if Selzer didn’t leave them in there all weekend.

Mano refrained from helping with the customers; he let David suss out what they were looking for on his own. It made David sweat, and that made Mano feel a little better. Not much, but a little.

By lunch, David was more exhausted than usual. He was a good salesman on his own, but it was so much easier when Mano had inside information. His feet were already sore, and he was only half way through his shift. He grabbed a burger from Fried Fare and ate it in the break room (it was just an empty room with a table and trash can in it, because Selzer didn’t want to encourage breaks) at Bob’s Pets, alone with Mano.

“What do you want, Mano?”

The rabbit didn’t answer.

“Come on, you must want something. How can I make it up to you?”

Still nothing.

“Ma—“

Amanda’s disappointed in you.

“What?”

She thought you would surprise her with a new drawing over the weekend.

“But she never—“

I think you misunderstand the meaning of “surprise her.”

“But you nev—“

I was mad at you.

David sighed. “What should I do?”

Get used to being a constant disappointment to your girlfriend?

“You’re no help.”

I wasn’t trying to be helpful.

“Ugh.” David dropped to his head to the table with a thud. “I liked it better when people didn’t expect anything of me.”

David spent the rest of the day fretting while he attempted to help the store’s customers. His options were to either let his girlfriend be disappointed in him or let the rabbit do god only knows what with his body. Both options sucked. The question was, which sucked worse?

The clock counted down to five, and finally David gave up.

“Go ahead.”

I’m still mad at you.

“Please?”

Fine.

A moment later, there was a new intensity in David’s eyes as someone else took the reins.

“Sometimes you are really stupid,” Mano said to the rabbit on the counter; it wasn’t like David’s mind was functioning on a high enough level to understand English. He called Mrs. Vincent from the store’s phone and set a time for them to talk in a little over a week.

When he hung up, Mano didn’t go to the storage facility. Instead, he visited the library. The cute librarian he’d seen before wasn’t there, but he pretended to be a TA and helped one of the college students with a confused look on her face figure out the advanced calculus problems she was struggling with. She asked if he knew anything about physics and asked him to help her with an assignment. He agreed to go back to her dorm room—despite it being “rather unorthodox”—and he pretended not to notice as she kept sitting closer and closer to him on her bed. Many hours later, he left her with a better understanding of physics and a few new things to try with her boyfriend.

Next, he visited a nearby club. It was easy to find a shy girl who was drinking alone while her friends had found guys to dance with. Her name was Cece, and her friends always dragged her to these places against her will. She was nice but a little reserved. A few drinks later, she was more outgoing, and a couple more after that, she was pressing herself against him. Soon they were sneaking into the back alley. Her dress got a little dirty from being pushed up against the brick wall, but she either didn’t notice or didn’t care.

When Cece inevitably asked for his number, he gave her Rodney’s: maybe he could “comfort” her if she needed it.

Finally, it was late enough to return to the apartment. He made sure to look as dejected as possible.

Amanda heard him enter the apartment and came to see him sulking on the couch. “What’s wrong, hon?”

He looked at her sadly. “I… I can’t come up with anything.”

She sat next to him on the couch and hugged him. “It’ll be okay.”

“What if…what if the well’s run dry?”

She told him how she got writer’s block all the time, and how it always passed. He nodded and smiled slightly. To cheer him up, she put on the maid costume she’d bought (David didn’t know about it; she was saving it for a special occasion) and got on her hands and knees to scrub the floor. Mano enjoyed the view (and let the bitch who’d dressed him up get more and more antsy as he let her clean the floor and wait for him to take her). When she started to look a little tired out from scrubbing the floor, he fucked her right there, hard and rough and in every way he could think of. He left her, dirty and soapy, bent over the kitchen table. When the night ended, Mano felt like he’d released some of that anger, and Amanda felt like a rag doll.

He fell asleep smiling.

David woke up feeling like he’d been run over by a freight train. He slowly, painfully, sat up in bed, trying not to surprise any of his muscles with sudden movement. It was difficult, and by the time his feet hit the floor, Mano was there to greet him.

Good morning.

Good? I feel like shit. What the hell did you do?

Oh, I hope you don’t mind, but I went clubbing, so you’ll need to restock your wallet with cash.

David grunted. His aching muscles seemed like a more immediate problem than an empty wallet.

As David carefully stood up, he noticed the soiled maid costume draped over Amanda’s dresser. His heart skipped a beat.

What’s that?

Oh, that? She was saving it for a special occasion.

David’s heart sagged in his chest.

She was gonna surprise me?

Was.

David resented the uncaring tone of Mano’s voice when he said that.

I thought Amanda was just mine, now?

Mano didn’t respond.

David shambled through the house, getting ready for work. When he got to the kitchen, he noticed that, other than some soapy smears, the kitchen table was bare.

David looked around. Where is it?

Where is what?

What you do mean “what”? Where’s the drawing?

There is no drawing.

What do you mean there’s no drawing?! You said you’d—

NEXT TIME I TELL YOU NOT TO LEAVE ME WITH YOUR FUCKING GIRLFRIEND—

David collapsed at the kitchen table with his head in his hands.

Don’t fuck with me, David. I’m not one to be trifled with.

David groaned. You fucked her just to get back at me?

Not just you.

David’s stomach twisted into a knot.

Shut up, David. She enjoyed it. I just made sure I enjoyed it a lot more.